After enjoying a plucky performance by the Japan team this lunchtime, and especially enjoying the collection of Japan fans in 'The Trench of Despair' who consistently expressed a delightful, sympathetic 'Arrhh' when their men went down and seemed to run about the pub a lot, it is time to address wider WC issues. Firstly those bloody horns are no more than versions of mobile phones, everyone can meaninglessly blow on them to no effect whatsoever.

Second, England came last in the Eurovision Song Contest, and have been super crappy so far here. Don't you think the world is trying to tell us something? If you thing of the WC as a media event, and if you consider the consequences of globalization, you will realize that the 2050 WC will be Inuit tribes vs Yak herders of wherever and variations thereof ; Sony Computer Nerds vs Nintendo Gamesters. 'England' can no longer represent itself as the bastion of 'the working man's ballet' because the working men of Britain are probably best represented by a bunch of coked up scaffolders; the Teamsters of the UK construction industry (with the architects as the Masonic Lodge). What is left is Rupert Murdoch selling newspapers and Simon Cowell selling inanity.

This is why you should never trust a fat bald guy wearing an England shirt right now.

Look, we're crap, and in the most insouciant of ways, we already know it. Our call to arms 'Come On England' ALREADY tells us we are not doing as well as we might in some mass social, highly organized, hypnotic, mythology. Sure we have SOME of the best players in the world, but, at team level, they are supported by massive economic migration. So we should get real.

If we changed our slogan to 'Well Done England' David Cameron would probably love it (as well as those who 'believe' in congratulation as the only form of value and the power of propaganda in general) but I would hope more of us would squeal in the irony of our final confrontation with the 'real'.

The solution to the 'Engerland' problem lies not in the dressing room or with a manager with the values of a nineteenth century mill owner, but with RECOGNITION of a bigger situational problem. I personally feel sorry for our guys on the pitch, because they look to me like fall guys.