By a nose

Popped my nose in to the Trench and was astonished to be actually greeted by the barmaid, she was young and innocent enough to be friendly, not having yet learnt the ropes of abject service, and besides she was most enthusiastic at having just won on the horses (not a lot of money, but a tenner is not to be smarted at). She even tried valiantly to sell two poor unsuspecting visitors 'Pizza!!' when they wondered if such a vast, empty, establishment might supply a nibble for lunch. They wisely walked away. I'm sure the pizza's whatever they are, are certainly from Iceland, and therefore derisible.

Now I suppose I now look like somebody who would be interested in the horses, but unlike many of my 'heroes' thank god I don't share that affliction. I just stare up at the big screen and resent the toffs who use the expression 'fair dos' repeatedly while wearing big hair, wrap around sunglasses and stupid outfits from Channel be them male or female. As I've said before it is an outrageous perversion that such lovely animals breed such horrible people. However not only was the barmaid so suddenly startlingly affable, but in the Indian shop on the way home I was suddenly presented with a two for one offer on Walkers French Fries - just for me of course. Two nice things in one day is very unusual on the streets of Bethnal Green.