Saturday, 12 March 2011


I was sitting in the Trench for the second half of the United game with Arsenal. As always there was more to observe than just the football. In this case the couple next to me, she texting busily, him sitting rather morose for lack of 'attention' (you can spot this a mile off). Suddenly she jumped up and popped out (of the pub), returning with a glossy magazine which she proceeded to peruse as if she had written it, which she probably had, given her age range 23-27. You can tell if somebody is reading a magazine because they've written it, they are 'checking' and 'feeling good'. However, the magazine was titled 'Psychologies'. It's major feature 'Friendships' I tried not to look too obvious with interest as they displaced my concentration from the game (Arsenal spend far too much time running about, United are really far better organized). Why 'Psychologies' I thought? How about 'Philosophies' with leaders like 'Lacan for the Single Girl' (but I soon put that to one side as stupid). So we now need a glossy magazine called 'Psychologies' to enable every single girl to assess friendships. Well thats easy, friends laugh when you fuck up, and laugh even louder the worse it gets. Lovers despise you when you fuck up, but will eventually snuggle up just the same. That is not exactly a long leader article; not exactly Lacan anyway. However, if you walk around Tesco on the way home (a Lacanian sexual experience I like to think) and overhear a few conversations, you quickly realize a desperate market for 'Psychologies' magazine.
Meanwhile, one person who may be in need of 'Psychologies' girly magazine, is Arsene Wenger, a man who seriously needs to come to terms with his lack of success over recent times, and then again, almost all Arsenal fans, so totally deluded as to their teams success that they shout and scream all evening long when there isn't any. Chelsea fans, I'd like to think, become resigned to the fact that 'the wheels have fallen off'.

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